Monday, January 23, 2017

Business Cat, in your shirt and tie
I really really really want to know why
You're like that--
Where'd you get a business suit in your size?
'Cause I'm a little-and-small
And I really really like your style

Business Cat, in your snappy clothes
I really really really want to know where
You got those--
And do they sell little-and-small underwear?
'Cause I'm about your size
And I really really really don't care

   What they say about a dog who can talk
   Is that he hasn't been well brought up
   So when I see a tabby cat wearin' shoes
   Oh, I wanna nose a lot more about you

Business Cat, you're lookin' smart
I really really really want to go and see
What you've got--
And can you let a bit rub off on me?
'Cause you're a fancy cat
Look like you oughta be on TV

   What they say about a dog who can walk
   Is that he should've been better brought up
   So when I see a cat sharp as nails
   Oh, I want to know all the de-tails

(Guitar solo)

Business Cat, you've reached the top
I really really really want to know
Just what's up with you--
Will you answer your email please?
'Cause I'm still a pup
But there's a natty dog inside of me too
A ferret in a pink tutu
A fancy rat in a sportscoat
A rabbit twirling a baton
And a chinchilla on a float:

The small mammals were marching
One and two and four and three
I knew it was only a dream--
And that I'd wake up screaming

A big brass band of hedgehogs
A hundred gerbils of all nations
And sugar gliders flying over
In a finger-four formation

The tiny pets were coming at me
One and two and three and four
I thought it was only a dream--
But I woke up covered in fur

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Oh, there ain't no lady pirates
In the sweltry Car-i-bean
Beneath a Jolly Roger
A woman's face is never seen

But it wasn't always that way
Or so the old-timers tell:
Back in the corsair heyday
'Twas a mercenary belle

   Mag-gie the buccaneer
   Never was a ship that she couldn't steer
   And many a rover her did fear
   Oh, Maggie the buccaneer

A hundred twenty Amazons
Fifteen strapping eunichs
And a dozen smooth-chinned schoolboys
Made the crew that Maggie sailed with

   Mag-gie the buccaneer
   Never was a deck that she couldn't clear
   And many a bandit her did fear
   Oh, Maggie the buccaneer

Had a look made a brave man tremble
And the weak-hearted man die
'Cause she always wore mascara
And Mag had just one eye

   Mag-gie the buccaneer
   Never was a man she wouldn't jeer
   And many a villain her did fear
   That Maggie the buccaneer

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Where did you come from
Scary clown, scary clown?
Why are you lurking
In our town, in our town?
Nobody's laughing
When you're around, Mister Clown
You're giving us nightmares
Scary clown

   This is a serious town
   And we're serious people
   We don't need no comedy relief, son
   So take your red nose
   And those size fifteen shoes
   And take the bus back to where you came from

The juggling ain't funny
Scary clown, scary clown
All the children are crying
Up and down, up and down
Can we see some ID, please
Harlequin, Harlequin?
Oh, go back to the circus
Scary clown

   This is a regular town
   Full of regular people
   Birthday magic shows ain't right for no one
   So take your fixed grin
   And your trick boutonniere
   And ride that unicycle back to hell, son

We're onto you now
Scary clown, scary clown
And your little dog too
Mister Frown, Mister Frown
Polkadot mumus
Aren't allowed, in our town
So get out of here now
You scary clown

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

They hid the radio
   Now I can't play it no more
They hid the radio
   'Cause I'm a dinosaur
I like the radio
   And I can't fi-i-nd it
I'm having me a radio
   Deprivation fit

They hid the radio
   Don't know where it's gone
They hid my radio
   Don't have another one
Oh, where's my radio
   Do you see it from there?
Give me my radio
   'Cause I can't take this dead air

Now I'll write myself
   A commercial song
I'll sing it to the cubicles
   All day long
It's not my radio
   But it ain't super long
And it goes a little
   Something like this:

"I just want to party
   And I'm stronger than that
So give me lovey-dovey babe
   And don't you get fat
It's all looking up now
   I've been down for so long:
I'm just another urchin
   With a Top 40 song."

They hid my radio
   I don't see it from here
They hid my radio--
   Can't park my car in my chair
I love my radio
   And this ain't funny no more
I'll see you at the
   Radio and vinyl store.

Monday, January 2, 2017

There's an elephant in my backpack
With my dozen chicken eggs
I don't know how he got in there
But he's givin' me elephant legs

I don't like to use third person
Talkin' about myself
But this camel's back is broken
And there's somethin' he's got to yell:

"Mister Elephant, whatcha doin' back there
Free-ridin' on me?
I didn't see any elephant thumb
When I passed that baobab tree
If there's one thing I appreciate
It's hos-pi-tal-i-ty--
But this little tour is over now
'Cause you're givin' me elephant feet"

There's an ostrich in my backpack
And sixteen hy-ee-nas
Fifty-seven flam-in-gos
And a hip-po-pot-a-mus

They're actin' like a bunch'a kids
Seem to think they're owed a ride
I smell like a rhinoceros now
It's time for me to draw the line:

"Mister Hippo, whatcha think you're doin'
Bein' my stowaway?
I didn't see any hippo thumb
Back on that high-way
You must think I'm kinda dumb
Didn't notice you till today--
But this safari's goin' on strike
Till one of you animals pays."
At the bird store
You get what you came for
(At the bird store)
At the bird store
You can't get a goldfish
(At the bird store)

They've got cockatoos and cockatiels
Sherbert-colored parakeets
Blue macaws, and other birds
For wearing with your pirate shirt

At the bird store
That's where I met her
(At the bird store)
At the bird store
All covered in feathers
(At the bird store)

High up on a high high chair--
With feathers in her purple hair
Selling birds to children who
Had just walked over from the school

To the bird store
They got what they came for
(At the bird store)
At the bird store
You can't buy a hamster
(At the bird store)

   Birds are very numerous
   And they see better than us
   But they sure don't hear too well
   At the shop or or the bus
   It's very cacophonous
   When the birds are makin' a fuss
   That's why you have to yell
   Over everyone else

At the bird store
Everyone's yelling
(At the bird store)

At the bird store
No one can hear you
(At the bird store)

Parrotlets and lorikeets
Canaries tweeting tiny tweets
There's a finch for everyone--
Attila the hungry Hungarian Hun

Shops at the bird store
Nobody knows it
(At the bird store)
At the bird store
Everyone goes
(To the bird store)
Yellow line, yellow line
Down on the road you're keepin' time
Where there's always room for one more
Yellow line, yellow line

Yellow line, yellow line
You're as pretty as sunshine
And next line rhymes with the last
Yellow line, yellow line

   There's nothing much to see  
   Up here in my captain's chair
   But you're my only company
   On this here road to nowhere

Yellow line, yellow line
From a bottomless golden mine
Don't you ever get tired of being
A yellow line, yellow line?

   There's nothing much to see  
   Out here on Highway None
   But of all the squat to look at
   You're the prettiest one

Yellow line, yellow line
Oh, I'm lookin' for a sign
If can jus' stay awake
I'll find the last yellow line--
Yellow line, yellow line
Yellow line, yellow line
Yellow line, golden doggone yellow line
The green spud, a-hoppin' he goes
Till something stops his leapfrog:
A big black sniffin' Mr. Nose--
And that's how the frog met the dog

A big black sniffin' wet nose
Patrols the edge of the bog
Stops at Mr. Oleaginous--
And that's how the dog met the frog

"How unctuous you are," said frog
"Rambuct-u-ous you are," said dog
And so the two down in the bog
Made a frog leg dog leg in the fog